


Dames And Their Games

by orphan_account



Category: Chuck (TV)
Genre: Asian-American Character, Character of Color, Female Character of Color, Hardboiled Detective, Het, Humor, Male Protagonist, Multi, POV Third Person, Past Tense, over 1000 words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-26
Updated: 2009-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-03 18:58:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Never trust a dame with a deck of cards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dames And Their Games

The day was rainy, with a touch of storm floating on the wind. The detective pulled up the lapel of his trenchcoat and shoved his fists deep into his pockets, his hat low over his eyes as he strode through the rain-whipped yard towards his place of business.

An empty paper bag danced at his feet, until it was picked up by the wind and whipped into the street.

The building loomed ahead of him, standing alone across the vast yard. This was a place where low morals ran unchecked, a place from which greed and materialism had stripped all humanity.

It was his kind of place.

The doors flew open before him.

'Jeff, man, where have you been?' said the detective's informer, known only as Lester, as he hurried towards him. 'We've been waiting for you. What was that lunch, an hour and a half? We need you to judge the next round of thong-slap poker.'

The Buy More. It was good to be back.

'Listen, big guy,' said Lester, putting a friendly arm around the detective's shoulder, 'I'm worried about Anna this round. I think she might be cheating.'

'So?' The detective shrugged. 'You cheat.'

'Yeah, but I win because I cheat, and I don't want her to ruin my chances. You'll keep an eye on her, right? That woman is dangerous.'

'Dames are nothing but trouble,' said the detective, popping a toothpick in his mouth and chewing it, narrowing his eyes.

'Uh... Sure,' said Lester, obviously impressed. 'Come on, it's happening in the cage right now.'

"It." Lester meant gambling, and worse. The detective had seen it all.

He mused on the mysterious Mistress Wu, as luscious as she was deadly, as he followed his friend and associate down the corridors of the Buy More, his sharp gaze flicking around the room looking for any unfriendly faces. The customers were milling about, grabbing at the items on display, blind greed in their needy little eyes.

He could hear the roar of the crowd as they approached the back of the store. 'Aww, man, they started without us!' Lester moaned and hurried on.

In the cage, a vicious construct of wire and iron, there were shelves filled with infernal machines. In the middle of it was a table. The audience, made up of the dreaded "Greenshirt" and "Nerd Herd" gangs, rattled the cage and chanted.

On the table, a game of cards was laid out between two bubbling cans of the deadly drink known only as Red Bull. Mistress Wu was leaning over the table, her blouse falling open to reveal the tempting curve of her breast. The sight was enough to set a strong man whimpering. The detective set his jaw, determined not to let her feminine wiles rattle him.

'I've already taken out Morgan,' said Mistress Wu, slowly rising from her seat. 'Well, Lester? Are you ready to be the next little man on my wall?'

She indicated the wall of the cage, where Morgan Grimes, a small time player with big ideas, stood tied to the cage wall with pink thongs. It was a disgrace. The diminutive reprobate gave the detective a defeated nod of acknowledgment. 'Don't do it, man,' said Grimes. 'The kitten is on fire tonight.'

Lester grasped the detective's arm. 'Jeff, my man? You gotta help me out. This is my honour on the line here.'

The detective had seen enough. 'Leave it to me,' he grunted, and melted into the crowd.

Lester, a brave man, sighed, squared his shoulders, and pulled out the chair opposite Mistress Wu. 'Bring me a fresh can,' he said, and someone scurried for more Red Bull.

The detective sank further back in the crowd. As soon as he'd reached the back of the crowd he quietly slid toward the showroom.

He did not notice the pair of painted, enchanting eyes following his every movement.

The detective had to think fast. Lester was a crook, but he was also a loyal friend, and the detective could not let him suffer the fate that had befallen Morgan Grimes. And yet he couldn't compromise his reputation among the Buy More crowd. There was only one man who could put an end to this madness.

'Chuck,' he rasped in his guttural, smoke-ridden voice, startling the gangly boss of the Nerd Herd Gang, who had been staring longingly in the direction of the cheap watering hole known as Orange Orange.

'Jeff,' said Chuck. 'Aren't you busy at the tournament?'

'I need you to do something for me, Chuck.'

'What? Is it the iPhone? I told you not to get that thing, Jeff, not until the next edition is out, anyway.'

'It's not that. I need someone to go get Big Mike.'

Chuck glance up at him. 'No!'

'Anna is wiping the floor with Lester in the cage as we speak,' the detective said. 'I need you. Lester needs you.'

'You know I can't get involved.'

'You must, Chuck.' He leaned closer, narrowing his eyes, and whispered, 'I know your secret.'

Chuck swallowed. When he spoke, his voice was an octave higher. 'What... secret?'

'The secret about you, Chuck. You and lovely Sarah of the splendid Oranges, and John Casey. Oh yes.' He nodded with a slight, wicked grin to see Chuck's eyes widen. 'I know exactly what you three have been up to. Do you think you have been subtle?' He tapped the side of his nose. 'I see things. I'm not stupid.'

'Jeff, are you serious?' Chuck lowered his voice and leaned closer, thought better of it as the detective's manly odor nearly overpowered him, and leaned back. 'If you know... about...'

'I know everything, Chuck,' said the detective in a low, menacing voice.

He could see the panic in the Nerd Herder's eye. He knew he had him now. 'Jeff, you could get killed over this!'

'I know,' said the detective, who had seen John Casey's biceps, and had a good idea of what the thug was capable of. 'Like I said, I'm not stupid. But the thing is, Chuck,' he said, leaning on the counter, 'my friend is in trouble. I get distressed when my friends are in trouble. Who knows what I might let slip?'

He allowed his words to sink in, and watched Chuck reach his decision.

'Okay,' said Chuck at last. 'I'll do it. I'll talk to Big Mike. Just – no word to anyone, okay? We'll talk about this later.'

The detective tapped his nose again and watched Chuck scramble toward Big Mike's office. This would cut the poker party short and save his buddy Lester from humiliation by thong.

Another good deed done in a world sadly bereft of good deeds.

The detective hung up his hat and coat and walked along the aisles of the Buy More, relishing the sense of power these familiar pathways gave him. He had just stopped to discuss the merits of the Beastmaster with a young couple when he saw Big Mike stride out from the back of the store, Chuck running behind him.

'You dragged me from my fresh new copy of Angling Monthly for this?' the massive, intimidating "big boss" of the Buy More was saying in a low growl. 'Bartowski, I am glad I didn't make you assistant manager.'

'I'm sorry, sir, I got a bad tip, I--'

'Never mind, Bartowski. Next time, clean it up yourself!'

'You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?' said a low, seductive voice behind the detective. He turned to see Mistress Wu lounging against the Beastmaster. The young couple was gone. 'I saw you run off to rat us out to Big Mike.' She pushed off, turning to go, her hips sway catching his eye and holding it like a salmon on the hook. 'Next time, I will get you,' she said over her shoulder, 'and your little boyfriend, too.'

_The dame is a tiger_, thought the detective, _but how you'd love to hear her purr!_

Lester appeared at his side. 'Anna called off the game before we could get started,' he said. 'Good job, man. How did you swing it?'

'The sins of the devil can become the blessings of angels,' said the detective.

'What are you talking about?'

Instead of answering, the detective simply smiled. He wasn't about to reveal what he'd figured out about the Nerd Herd boss's polygamous affair with the Orange Orange girl and the beefiest of all Buy More salesmen, not even to Lester. Blackmail rackets were best kept between you, your target, and your private stash of incriminating photographs.

'Shh, little one,' said the detective, putting an arm around Lester. 'This is a good day.'

Outside, the wind picked up, howling across the shopping complex.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a result of a prompt meme, with the prompt given by Zoi no Miko that called for Jeff the film noir detective. It was just supposed to be a synopsis, but then this fic happened.


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